Quote of the month: So much of what is love, is fish love. – Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski
Honing discernment abilities
It’s February, the month of remembering love, when many people celebrate Valentine’s day. I know the holiday has a dark edge to its history, but I want to angle it towards how we hold this word, Love, and really opening our skills of inquiry and discernment.
When we learn to dig in ThetaHealing® and then work with this skill over and over, the questions of who, what, where, when, how, bleed through to many other areas of life. Has anyone else noticed this?
I have this deep engagement with myself to be open to listen to others who want to share their wisdom to see what resonates for me, what Plane of Existence it really comes from, and if it is real Truths or intermingled with Truths, beliefs, opinions, or just plain disinformation (also known as distortions and lies). It’s a great way to hone my discerning ability somatically through myself and with All-That-Is.
I sift through what I hear or read to feel it within, and then ‘sometimes’ ask to see the levels of Truth, both earthly and at the 7th Plane level. I ask myself whether it would be appropriate to respond to the other (if needed) or not. I’m grateful that my ‘sometimes’ are becoming more innately natural in sensing the deepest Truth.
The meaning of ‘love’ through fish
Rabbi Abraham Twerski is a well known psychiatrist specializing in addiction and an Hassidic Jewish rabbi. He’s a big hit on YouTube. Since I have had my differences with quite a few Jewish rabbis, actually many spiritual/religious ‘leaders’, I tend to be very discerning even if they are inspirational to others.
In a story this rabbi shared on a video, there was a man who said that he loves fish. The next narrative from the rabbi storyteller was, “The fish tasted good to you therefore, you took it out of the water, killed it, boiled it and ate it.” This is why Twerski created his phrase, ‘so much of love is fish love’.
Hmmm, pause…I’m thinking, ‘That was direct and very blunt’.
For me, I wondered how often the man in story, if he ever met this rabbi in person, would ever consider inviting the rabbi to have dinner with him?
This rabbi continues to his next story about a young couple who fall in love.
‘Fall in love’?
Pause. Notice the phrase ‘fall in love’. I get that many use this to describe their experience of deep attraction and a romantic experience of love. But what does it really mean to ‘fall in love’? What does ‘fall’ mean as part of this phrase? Doesn’t ‘fall’ mean to descend, drop, or become heavier like the pull of gravity? If so, why is it connected to love? I’ve been asking this question for 30 years since I got divorced.
I’ve wondered how this expression came about. Is it a US/European expression only? Do other cultures use this expression? Is it truly a clear way to describe experiencing or being in love?
I did some research to find that the phrase comes from the 1300’s which might have been connected to the idea of “falling head over heels.” It is used in several languages—French, Spanish, Thai, and there could be others.
I actually did find that in that phrase of ‘fall in love’, ‘fall’ suggests that there’s a certain helplessness about feelings of attraction, and they’re not necessarily within the control of the person suddenly ‘stricken’ with this overwhelming experience.
The sight of the other, who evokes the attraction and affection, can cause a racing pulse and the body to sweat. Certain neurotransmitters and hormones in the brain tend to be produced in greater volume, which can promote happiness… and some anxiety.
So the origin of fall in love has the energy of powerlessness and the hormonal response as unpredictable. Do you feel this is true about real love? Do you want to feel powerlessness and unpredictable in experiencing true romantic love?
And isn’t it possible that we can rise in love or just be in love? Just some thoughts.
Love defined as meeting another’s expectations?
Back to the rabbi’s continuing story from my ‘pause’. Here is his angle of how romantic connections seem to be mostly created through the following broad and general example:
A young man meets a woman who he falls in love with. The woman experiences the same with the man. Without a stop or pause in the rabbi’s story, this was immediately interpreted as the man meeting someone who could take care of all his physical and emotional needs.
The lady would also have this same expectation to have all her physical and emotional needs taken care of by the young man. This lead the rabbi to continue his dialogue by expressing that they were just there to really meet their own needs, ‘This is not love for the other but a vehicle for gratification from the other’.
I’m inviting us into some thoughtful assessment here. This is because I feel that people often give their power away in not taking a pause to reflect on what others are really saying who come with a title of ‘authority’.
Do you feel there are any assumptions in what the rabbi has put together from his broad-based story?
For me, I felt like I had just been pushed through a crowded store line without my purchases to the checkout counter, and I was to buy something without knowing what it was.
I could see someone come to the rabbi’s conclusion if more information had been included in this story, but this was a generalization in how people seem to get to the end of the line to create a love relationship.
The rabbi continues with the generalization in saying “…that external love is not what someone is going to give, but what is expected to be received”. Do you feel that any of this was unclear and assumptive? Honestly, there were no more details other than what I’m sharing.
For me, I questioned, “Was he defining expectations as ‘love’? Does the position of love (external) make it not real love? Does the love part have no basis from within? Is what he is describing really being selfish and not actually what love is at all? If so, then why does he call it ‘love’?”
Self-Love is a given?
Rabbi Twerski stated that “self-love is a given and that everyone loves themselves”. I had to totally pause the video here. I’m thinking, “Really?? Did I drop in from another planet yesterday and miss something about how humanity is feeling about themselves?”
Yes, there are some who experience self love. I know that experience for myself and it grows deeper as I continue to work on myself. But to say everyone loves themselves point blank, like it’s a known fact, makes me question and wonder why a psychiatrist would say this. It makes me wonder, with him specializing in addiction, how active addicts show that they have self love towards themselves. And I’m not closed to hearing responses on this. Maybe it’s a dual belief experience of both loving and feeling destructive towards themselves?
If his statement is really true, I don’t think I’d personally need to be doing ThetaHealing® anymore. The issues of being misaligned with Creator would be over, and I could evolve with my virtues available forever after in self love.
No Allowance for Love to be received?
His final statement is that ‘true love is the love of giving and not receiving’. He was very clear about his not.
I’m thinking, “What’s wrong with receiving Love?! Is there a sign on the road of life that says, ‘This is a one way street where love only flows south, so get off at the next exit if you want love to go north too?’
Are we narcissists, self centered or egotistical if we want to receive love too?
Personally, I feel it’s just fine to want to receive love from another. I’m all for the true flow of love. And there is a difference between wanting to receive love and being needy in wanting to receive love.
Where real LOVE flows
If “real self love is an inside job”, as he says, and I agree (the word ‘self’ defines inside each of us, right?), then why couldn’t real Love flow to others without expectations? How does real Love withdraw itself? Do we need to control how real LOVE flows to feel protected, or so that we keep the supply maintained? Do we stop the existence of LOVE if we are angry at another? Do we stop the flow of LOVE by not recognizing what Love is?
Perhaps on the human level of earthly love experiences, we do not always recognize real LOVE. But does that stop the existence of it?
Even if we perceive that real LOVE is blocked, is it really? Or is it a perception of how we experience an earthly definition of what ‘love’ is, similar to how people think love is abuse if they were abused?
I really wonder, “Where isn’t LOVE existing?”
Even if I think, “Well, there isn’t love in war,” can I honestly say that there aren’t those who do still have heartful love experienced with those who assist the stopping of it or helping those who are injured or killed in the field? Or what about the soldier who awaits his family at home? They are still part of the war scene…and they experience and are sustained by LOVE.
So where isn’t LOVE existing?
In my experience, unconditional LOVE is always present no matter what, and IT exists within and throughout everything. This is the most beautiful part of the awareness of ThetaHealing® Technique. No one and no thing is left out of being part of Creator-of-All/Unconditional LOVE. This is what the non-dualism is all about…no matter where we are, there IT IS. It’s why we spend so much time clearing the beliefs that tell us we are separate from All-That-Is.
And how earthly-defined love (including familial, romantic, friendships etc.) is experienced and communicated, is most often not the same way or frequency as Unconditional Love. This level could play out where elements of unhealed projections of needs and expectations absolutely do occur. I get this. This is what the rabbi is defining as ‘fish love’. Yet, this is not how love needs to be defined. Even earthly love is part of Unconditional Love.
So where isn’t LOVE existing?
Again, why does earthly love run on projections unless we’re giving ourselves away? As adults, can’t we say what we need without having an expectation that the other will or has to fulfill it? Can’t we make a choice what will work for us in negotiating our needs while being in connection with another who we feel love towards? Yet, isn’t the God spark, the Unconditional Love, still in everything?
I sense that perhaps that the rabbi’s ‘wisdom’ might need some clearer defining and perhaps a deeper look at his beliefs around LOVE.
Human love can and often happens without emotional expectations and projections as well as being spontaneous. Humans evolve, and souls do recognize each other. The process of a trust building can lead to genuine, authentic and deep, real Love.
Even if we divorce someone, does the love we experienced during the relationship dissipate on a soul level? Can we still feel the LOVE in our heart even if the form of the relationship has changed, particularly if we’ve released the person from the obligations they taught us this lifetime? Can we still love the person even if we don’t like their behavior or actions?
So where isn’t LOVE existing?
Just to say, that I do realize that when parents withhold or unable to be attentive or unable to genuinely and authentically show love to their children, or they abuse their children calling it ‘love’, that the receptor sites for love may not be available for the child. But that doesn’t mean that as a human being with mitochondria actively running in the body and directly connected to the 7th Plane, that the child is devoid of Unconditional Love. LOVE is an aspect of who we are in our ever present connection with All-that-IS.
When we allow the awareness of non-dualism to define and experience real LOVE, I feel grateful for what the philosophy of Thetahealing® Technique continues to remind us. And since many spiritual or religious leaders source wisdom through another Plane of Existence, it could be a reason why the rabbi might limit how Loves flows and imply that only ‘giving’ love is worthy of our human experience.
I say, “Let’s be open to experience this ever-present flow of LOVE and to recognize where we perceive it not being part of us in any relationship.” We can then clear our beliefs from this place of a perceptional blockage or misalignment.
Let ‘fish love’ be defined as expectations and projections rather than LOVE. Let us remember that we are an aspect of All-that-IS…so where isn’t LOVE existing?
Happy remembering the ‘LOVE-in-you’ month!
With questions, openness, and wondering,
I extracted possible ‘theme’ beliefs from the story. Energy test yourself for them, practice clearing through digging if applicable, check if they are your ancestors’ beliefs, and use Creator’s teachings including the ones below if they fit.
Love is always objectified outside myself.
Real love is projecting our needs onto someone else.
To fall in love is the ultimate way to experience true love.
I feel powerless and unpredictable if I experience true romantic love.
I have expectations that all my physical needs…emotional needs…will be taken care of by a partner who I experience love with.
Real love is emotional expectations towards the person I love.
True love is the love of giving but never wanting to receive it.
It’s wrong to receive love.
Everyone loves themselves.
I give myself away to feel loved by another person.
Only giving love is worthy of human experience.
I am always loved by All-That-Is
Helpful Creator’s teachings/downloads
I know what it feels like to, how to, when to, that it’s possible, safe to, worthy, deserving and good enough to, without permission, that I can, I do (or I am/am able to be):
To live without real love being overbearing, power-over and unpredictable
To know that real Love is strong, predictable, and powerful
To experience the person I love for who they really are without expecting what they will do for me
To receive real love without emotional expectations towards another
To know the difference between wanting to receive love and being needy in wanting to receive love
To know the difference between altruism and being open and available to receive love
To stay with myself without giving myself away to experience real love with another.
To love myself deeply and to experience that as my core anchor with All That IS
To have the ability to negotiate my physical needs with someone I love